Alternatives to "Opening a Can o' Whupass" for the Less Confrontationally Inclined.

BY IAN CAREY, brianmcarey@aol.com:

"Unsnapping a Purse o' Politeness
Decanting a Carafe o' Contrition
Unzipping a Fanny Pack o' Friendliness
Sipping a Demitasse o' Diplomacy
Refrigerating the Tupperware o' Temperance
Unscrewing a Thermos o' Thoughtfulness
Gently Folding a Napkin o' Negotiation
Checking the Date on a Carton o' Caution
Serving an Ap�ritif o' Avoidance
Unpacking a Portmanteau o' Panic
Emptying a Wastebasket o' Withdrawal
Sealing and Applying Postage to an Envelope o' Escape
Lightly Greasing a Ramekin o' Retreat
Applying a Beechwood Veneer to a Hutch o' Hiding
Cleaning Out a Drawer o' Disappearance"