Should I be worried?

Are you worried about the Internet? Specifically, are you concerned that maybe the whole Internet thing isn't such a big deal? That it didn't really change anything? That all the effort you've put into learning the difference between zines and blogs amounted to nothing? If so, you are in desperate need of a life.

More recently, the internet has equipped the worried well with reasons to worry.
Still, given the existential angst so prevalent in the post-bubble world, it's only natural to feel a frisson of fear every time the Nasdaq falls 10 points. But relax. The simple fact is that the Internet economy is alive and well.


My PC has been infiltrated by a program that hijacks our Google searches. Instead of displaying legitimate results, the infernal machine first produces a page of advertisements related to the search terms we entered. For example, search for "Google IPO" and the first two results are "Chat with Local Singles, Free signup." Hmmm. Maybe Sergey Brin and Larry Page are behind it.

In any event, I asked around among my more geeky acquaintances and was told that our computer had been commandeered by a form of spyware— a species of Internet-borne marketing vermin probably bred in the malarial swamp of Amazon.com. It sounded bad, but I was assured that a solution was only a click away. All I had to do was get a spyware search and destroy program, numerous examples of which, I was told, were readily available on the Internet.

So naturally, I set about trying to find one of these angels of mercy. My first step, as usual, was to perform a Google search.

And there it was. In all its hideous glory. The genius of digital capitalism. My spyware-influenced search yielded a page of advertisements for spyware removal products. One of these companies had probably produced the program that necessitated this search in the first place. Having infected me, they were now using the disease to sell me the cure. I'm not worthy.

There you have it. The Internet is indispensable to business, and it is run by talented hucksters who are the direct descendants of the folks who created the Uneeda Biscuit.

The Internet economy is in good hands. So quit worrying and get a life. Just go to your favorite search engine and type in "Google IPO."